[She was going to need to be, because he was struggling to scramble up from being unprepared for this conversation. He needed to do this though, because he had a feeling he was never going to get this chance again.]
...I never wanted to hurt you.
[Well, that was a good start.]
If that... whatever it was had never happened, I... I never would have.
[He paused a moment, letting out a breath.]
All I ever wanted was what I was promised in my life. I spent my life focused on the future I was promised. I never reached out, because it wasn't what I was supposed to do. But it was wrong, everything I lived was wrong, so when I was told I was supposed to have a soul mate, and showed me who it was supposed to be, I believed it!
[There was a scoff on the other side.]
Yeah. Stupid. I know. I know that now.
But... I didn't think of you like them. You weren't supposed to be anything like my 'soul mate' or any of that crap. You were a pain in my ass, you dragged me around and made me do things I didn't want to do. And I put up with it because, hey, someone actually was interested in what I could do, even if it wasn't going to last.
[A stunned silence follows Adachi's words, and Maribelle's breath catches in her throat - despite herself, she can't quite bring herself to berate him.]
Tohru... what are you saying?
[She knew that he regretted it already, and she also knew that he felt something for her - something that she had, until fairly recently, very nearly returned. But now, things are different. She's not sure she doesn't hate him, for once thing. She's also not sure she can ever forgive him.]
[Adachi fell quiet for a long moment, to the point where it almost seemed like he hung up. Finally, he let out a shuddering breath, somehow keeping his voice calm.]
I... think I realized what it meant to actually let someone into your life because of you. And I didn't want to let that go, despite... everything.
[Judging by her voice, she's rather on the verge of tears. But she keeps herself from them,c despite herself.]
Had you never been able to do that before?
[She knows he's s murderer. She knows she should hang up, and never speak with him again. But she's never seen a criminal be repentant before, and it's causing her to have second thoughts.]
No... it wasn't in the plan yet. I was still on the 'get a good job' part of it; the 'get a good wife' hadn't come up yet. And dealing with others just... wasn't part of it.
[He let out a shaking breath; he hadn't been ready for this, and he felt a little sick from being so damn honest.]
It probably doesn't mean much... assuming we survive, I doubt we're going to remember any of this. But... well, I didn't want you to go to the end thinking I just wanted to kill you.
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 03:45 am (UTC)[Oh dammit. Oh dammit, dammit, dammit; he's not prepared for this. He needs his help. Souji save him.]
W-well I...
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 03:46 am (UTC)[Patience: Maribelle has none. Especially not with you, Adachi.]
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 04:02 am (UTC)...I never wanted to hurt you.
[Well, that was a good start.]
If that... whatever it was had never happened, I... I never would have.
[He paused a moment, letting out a breath.]
All I ever wanted was what I was promised in my life. I spent my life focused on the future I was promised. I never reached out, because it wasn't what I was supposed to do. But it was wrong, everything I lived was wrong, so when I was told I was supposed to have a soul mate, and showed me who it was supposed to be, I believed it!
[There was a scoff on the other side.]
Yeah. Stupid. I know. I know that now.
But... I didn't think of you like them. You weren't supposed to be anything like my 'soul mate' or any of that crap. You were a pain in my ass, you dragged me around and made me do things I didn't want to do. And I put up with it because, hey, someone actually was interested in what I could do, even if it wasn't going to last.
And... well, I... uh...
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 04:08 am (UTC)Tohru... what are you saying?
[She knew that he regretted it already, and she also knew that he felt something for her - something that she had, until fairly recently, very nearly returned. But now, things are different. She's not sure she doesn't hate him, for once thing. She's also not sure she can ever forgive him.]
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 04:12 am (UTC)I... think I realized what it meant to actually let someone into your life because of you. And I didn't want to let that go, despite... everything.
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 04:17 am (UTC)[Judging by her voice, she's rather on the verge of tears. But she keeps herself from them,c despite herself.]
Had you never been able to do that before?
[She knows he's s murderer. She knows she should hang up, and never speak with him again. But she's never seen a criminal be repentant before, and it's causing her to have second thoughts.]
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 04:21 am (UTC)[He let out a shaking breath; he hadn't been ready for this, and he felt a little sick from being so damn honest.]
It probably doesn't mean much... assuming we survive, I doubt we're going to remember any of this. But... well, I didn't want you to go to the end thinking I just wanted to kill you.
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-30 04:32 am (UTC)[It must have been a very lonely existence, and judging from Adachi's tone of voice, Maribelle's guess was right.]
Well, then, Tohru... I do not know that I can forgive you for what occurred, but I believe you.
[She takes a deep, shaky breath before she continues.]
And... I do not wish you to simply throw yourself away.
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-31 02:48 am (UTC)[Adachi was silent for a moment, before he let out a soft sigh.]
I don't expect anyone to forgive me for anything, whether I meant to do it or not. I don't think I'd want it anyway.
[Voice]
Date: 2015-01-31 05:28 pm (UTC)[She thinks she can see why, but...]
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 02:09 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 02:27 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 02:28 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 02:28 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 02:31 am (UTC)[And even then he wondered sometimes. Or rather often. Or near constantly.]
[...he really was a damn mess.]
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 02:43 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-01 03:21 pm (UTC)...'cause I don't want to be let down again.
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-03 03:41 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-03 11:43 pm (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-05 12:36 am (UTC)[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-05 04:03 am (UTC)[He didn't sound that sincere.]
...do you regret meeting me?
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-05 04:26 am (UTC)[Yeah, Adachi, she kinda notices that.]
Why do you ask?
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-05 11:57 pm (UTC)[But his tone said he was being serious about it.]
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-06 12:53 am (UTC)[Sometimes, though, she wished she could.]
And you - do you regret meeting me?
[Voice]
Date: 2015-02-06 02:51 am (UTC)...no. I don't.
[Voice]
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