damselled | IC Inbox for Asgard

damselled

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From:

sleight_of_hand

[She was going to need to be, because he was struggling to scramble up from being unprepared for this conversation. He needed to do this though, because he had a feeling he was never going to get this chance again.]

...I never wanted to hurt you.

[Well, that was a good start.]

If that... whatever it was had never happened, I... I never would have.

[He paused a moment, letting out a breath.]

All I ever wanted was what I was promised in my life. I spent my life focused on the future I was promised. I never reached out, because it wasn't what I was supposed to do. But it was wrong, everything I lived was wrong, so when I was told I was supposed to have a soul mate, and showed me who it was supposed to be, I believed it!

[There was a scoff on the other side.]

Yeah. Stupid. I know. I know that now.

But... I didn't think of you like them. You weren't supposed to be anything like my 'soul mate' or any of that crap. You were a pain in my ass, you dragged me around and made me do things I didn't want to do. And I put up with it because, hey, someone actually was interested in what I could do, even if it wasn't going to last.

And... well, I... uh...

From:

damselled

[A stunned silence follows Adachi's words, and Maribelle's breath catches in her throat - despite herself, she can't quite bring herself to berate him.]

Tohru... what are you saying?

[She knew that he regretted it already, and she also knew that he felt something for her - something that she had, until fairly recently, very nearly returned. But now, things are different. She's not sure she doesn't hate him, for once thing. She's also not sure she can ever forgive him.]

From:

sleight_of_hand

[Adachi fell quiet for a long moment, to the point where it almost seemed like he hung up. Finally, he let out a shuddering breath, somehow keeping his voice calm.]

I... think I realized what it meant to actually let someone into your life because of you. And I didn't want to let that go, despite... everything.

From:

damselled

Oh, Tohru...

[Judging by her voice, she's rather on the verge of tears. But she keeps herself from them,c despite herself.]

Had you never been able to do that before?

[She knows he's s murderer. She knows she should hang up, and never speak with him again. But she's never seen a criminal be repentant before, and it's causing her to have second thoughts.]

From:

sleight_of_hand

No... it wasn't in the plan yet. I was still on the 'get a good job' part of it; the 'get a good wife' hadn't come up yet. And dealing with others just... wasn't part of it.

[He let out a shaking breath; he hadn't been ready for this, and he felt a little sick from being so damn honest.]

It probably doesn't mean much... assuming we survive, I doubt we're going to remember any of this. But... well, I didn't want you to go to the end thinking I just wanted to kill you.

From:

damselled

I see.

[It must have been a very lonely existence, and judging from Adachi's tone of voice, Maribelle's guess was right.]

Well, then, Tohru... I do not know that I can forgive you for what occurred, but I believe you.

[She takes a deep, shaky breath before she continues.]

And... I do not wish you to simply throw yourself away.

From:

sleight_of_hand

I don't want to die either.

[Adachi was silent for a moment, before he let out a soft sigh.]

I don't expect anyone to forgive me for anything, whether I meant to do it or not. I don't think I'd want it anyway.

From:

damselled

You wouldn't? And why is that?

[She thinks she can see why, but...]

From:

sleight_of_hand

Because I'd never be able to tell if they were being sincere. I just... can't.

From:

damselled

Others are not to blame for that, Tohru. You are the one who utterly lacks faith in anyone who cares for you.

From:

sleight_of_hand

Yeah, well... not many people have given me a reason to believe in others.

From:

damselled

And what about Souji? Myself? This "Dojima-san" you would speak to me of?

From:

sleight_of_hand

...yeah, that would be about it.

[And even then he wondered sometimes. Or rather often. Or near constantly.]

[...he really was a damn mess.]

From:

damselled

And why, then, could you not have trusted one of us?

From:

sleight_of_hand

[Adachi paused, letting out a sigh as he thought over how to respond.]

...'cause I don't want to be let down again.

From:

damselled

... And so you hurt someone else instead.

From:

sleight_of_hand

...heh. You wanted the truth; didn't say it was gonna be a nice thing.

From:

damselled

I do declare, you must be the most idiotic, self-centered mess I've ever had the misfortune to encounter.

From:

sleight_of_hand

Sorry.

[He didn't sound that sincere.]

...do you regret meeting me?

From:

damselled

Hmph.

[Yeah, Adachi, she kinda notices that.]

Why do you ask?

From:

sleight_of_hand

Just curious.

[But his tone said he was being serious about it.]

From:

damselled

I... no.

[Sometimes, though, she wished she could.]

And you - do you regret meeting me?

From:

sleight_of_hand

[Adachi was quiet for a long moment.]

...no. I don't.

From:

damselled

I... I'm glad.

[Why did she just admit that? It wasn't as though she was ever going to trust him again, much less act on what had once been - or almost been - between them.]

From:

sleight_of_hand

[He knew she never would; that was part of what made this hurt so goddamn much. He was glad he kept this to voice now, so she couldn't see that was probably the worst thing she could have said to him.]

Well... that's all I had.